Ganon's Day Off
by LudicrousSpeed
Summary: Sorry the next chapter is taking so long. We're moving and my computer with the document has been put away : I will hopefully have the next chapter on here sometime in early July. Sorry for the inconvenience, my homedawgs. I am about halfway done with it.
1. Chapter 1

Ganon's Day Off

Chapter 1

Ganon was chillin' in his castle, watching soap operas. "No, Daniel, don't do it!" Ganon shouted, "She's a conniving fool!"

Ganon was a laid-back guy, who just wanted one simple thing. It was to rule the world. Is that really too much to ask?

"Hmmmmm... what's in my Easy-Bake Oven?...," he checked his oven. "Just a dancing cupcake with jimmies." He called sprinkles 'jimmies' for some odd reason. He, then, closed his door and put his earphones for his mp3 player on.

Ganon decided to walk to Hyrule, singing to his music. "Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!"

He arrived to Hyrule, stopped singing, and walked into the bizarre bazaar. "I'll take a bag of coconuts. EVIL coconuts!!!!"

The shop owner didn't change his expression to what Ganon said, he just answer calmly. "We don't have any 'EVIL coconuts' just the normal kind."

In a dramatic voice, Ganon said, "That will have to do!" He pulled out his wallet. "How much are they?"

Shoppy McShopperson, the bazaar owner, said, "5 rupees per bag, sir."

"Curses! That fairy kid stoled my moneys!"

"You mean the Hero of Time, right?"

"...Perhaps..."

"Ok, you'll just have to pay interest."

Ganon took the bag and laughed evilly, "Hahahaha! I am Ganon, Ruler of Evil, Destroyer of Good, and Lover of Facon, soy protein bacon for those not in the known, and lover of fruit that produces milk!"

"You still have to pay interest on those."

"Ganon does not approve!" He, then, punched Shoppy in the face. Shoppy collapsed on the floor.

Ganon has a mean right-handed left hook, in case you didn't know.

"Ganon approves!" he walked off, like he accomplished something, back to his castle.

"Wait a minute! Who sells coconuts in a bag?!" he threw the bag on his couch, "Hahahahaha... now what?... I know! I'll invite some o' my old pals over!"

Ganon picked up his evil, fancy telephone and dialed a number, "Hey, OAK, you wanna come over?... sure... yeah... oh, yeah..." he hung up. "Quick Mr. Fluffers!" Ganon's cat walked up to him, "I need 383 copies of 'Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.'

He then picked his phone back up, dialed a number, "Hey, Chuck, you wanna come to my place?... yeps... ok, sure... uh-huh..." Ganon put his phone down. "Mr. Fluffers! Bring me the games!"

His cat carried a big bag to him. "Yes! I'll show those losers what-for for not putting me in this game!"

Ganon's doorbell rang, he ran to his door and opened it. Chuck Norris was there. "Hahaha! Glad you could make it!"

Norris said, "I never miss a party... ever... oh, and I brought a guest." Count Dooku was behind Chuck.

"Hello, Ganon. Do you have any Cocoa Puffs?" Dooku said.

"Yeah. Why?"

"'Cause I'm 'Dooku' for Cocoa Puffs."

There was a big pause. "Go away." Ganon said.

Count Dooku jumped into the sky, without a word.

Norris said, "...Wow...that was random..."

"Yes, but randomness is great...and EVIL!!! Hahahaha!!"

Prof. OAK walked up to the castle. "Hey, Ganon, I made it."

Ganon answered sarcastically, "Did you really make it? Wow."

Norris said, "It's not fair that your name gets all caps..."

Ganon said, "It would be CHUCK NORRIS. It just looks like I'm shouting your name..."

"True."

"I, Ganon, have proven Chuck Norris wrong!"

"..."

"... Who wants tater wedges?!", They all raised their hands, including Ganon, "Rightio, then. Tater wedges it is!"

They walked into Ganon's castle. Ganon shouted, "This one looks like Thomas Jefferson!" he held up a normal-looking tater wedge. "Ooh! And this one looks like Cookie Monster" He held up one that looked like Thomas Jefferson.

After they all finished their wedges, Ganon saw someone walking by the castle and asked, "Who wants to throw the Majora's Mask cartridges at the passer-by?" They all raised their hands, including Ganon, "Rightio, then. Throwing cartridges it is!" He notices it's Link. "Ahaha! Perfect, it's that fairy kid!" Ganon threw a cartridge out his window and nailed Link straight in the head and he collapsed. "Hahaha! Bulls-eye!"

Chuck Norris said, "What do we do with the other 382 games?"

Ganon says, "I know! Wait here!" Ganon ran off into his room. Several seconds later, he came out in a Santa outfit. "Just call me Ganny Claus!" He got a sleigh in the mail that he purchased from eBay just seconds ago, then he grabbed the bag, walked up to his window and threw the bag at Link. "Problem solved! Ganon approves!

"What's the sleigh for then?" OAK asked.

"Oh. That." He picked up the sleigh and threw at OAK. "That's what it's for. Don't question me ever again.

"Alright." OAK said in a muffled voice from under the sleigh.

"Anyone for Connect Four?" Norris asked.

"Ooh! Ganon! Ganon!" Ganon shouted, still in his 'Ganny Claus' outfit.

"Alright, Ganon." They sat down at a table and in 3 moves Chuck won. "Ha! I win!"

"How can you win Connect Four in 3 moves?"

"...'Cause I'm Chuck Norris. How 'bout you OAK? Do you want to play"

"No, thanks, I don't play football."

"What?"

"You said 'contact sports' right?

"No, I said, Connect Four."

"Oh, that's completely different. I'm fine, I can just STAY HERE UNDER THIS SLEIGH!1!!1!"

"Ok, that's good 'cause I was gonna get that offa you, but I'm glad you're alright."

"Yeah, you better stay under there," Ganon said, "I payed good money for that sleigh."

"Really?" Chuck asked.  
Ganon snickered, "No."

"How much was it?"

"Around 4 million rupees."

"I thought you said you didn't pay a lot."

"I never said that. What gives you that idea?"

"You said, 'I payed good money for that sleigh', then you denied doing that."

"I know. I payed EVIL money for it. Hahahahahahahahaaa!"

"..."

"Sleigh here!" OAK shouted.

Chuck Norris answered, "Chuck Norris here."

Ganon questioned, "Wait, did that sleigh just talk?"

"..."

"Ganon does not approve!" He pulled out his sword. "I am Ganon, Ruler of Evil, Destroyer of Good, and Lover of Facon, soy protein bacon for those not in the known, and Slayer of Sleighs!" He thrusted his sword at the sleigh, and the sleigh flew into the air.

Link shoved the bag off of himself and looked up at the incoming sleigh. "This has not been my lucky day..." It smooshes him.

Link hears a loud "Ganon approves!" and falls unconcious.

"Thanks, Ganon." OAK said.

"Ganon does not approve!" He punches OAK in the face. "I pity the foo!" Ganon shouted with a terrible Mr. T impersonation. "Does your face hurt?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Good. 'Cause it's killing me. Ahaha! Ganon loves a good laugh!"

OAK falls unconcious.

"Wow, Ganon, is this a daily thing for you?"

"...Maybe...No...Yes..."

"Why did you do that exactly?"

"...'Cause Ganon approves..."

"Alright, good enough for me."

"Naptime!" Ganon shouted at the top of his lungs, and less than a second after that he fell asleep.

Chuck Norris was confused about what had happened so he opened Ganon's Easy-Bake Oven and noticed a cupcake with sprinkles dancing around. Chuck stared blankly in confusion at the cupcake as it danced out of the oven and on to the floor. He kicked the cupcake and it hit the door and left a splattered mess on it. "Alright, I guess I have nothing to do..." Chuck Norris, then decided to go to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ganon woke up in the middle of the night noticing OAK still unconcious and Chuck Norris near an open Easy-Bake Oven and a cupcakity mess on the wall. "... I am Ganon," he shouted, "Ruler of Evil, Destroyer of Good, and Lover of Facon, soy protein bacon for those not in the known, and hater of all that is boring and dull."

He woke Link who had been sleeping at his doorstep, Link noticed Ganon standing next to an oven, so he kicked down the door and pulled out his sword and shield. "Ganon!" he said in an outraged voice, "You left these games outside and I thought I would bring them back." He pulled out big bag and gave it to Ganon.

"I am grateful, Fairy Kid, you have done me a great favor." Ganon picked up the bag and grabbed one of the games. OAK started waking up. Ganon shouted, "AAAHH! Zombie!" and he threw the game at OAK and he fell down, unconcious again. "That's better. So what is it you want, Fairy Kid?"

"Stop hurting me, like you've been doing."

In a cheerful voice, Ganon said, "Haha! No can do!" he then punched Link in his face. Link fell unconscious. "Wow, unconscifying people left and right sure makes me thirsty."

Ganon walked over to his fridge, "Hmmmmm... I could use some orange juice." He pulled out a bottle of orange juice titled 'OJ' with a picture of OJ Simpson on the front. With the slogan, 'Drink a glass of this or I kill you, foo.' "Oh, well." He grabbed a glass and filled it with OJ, and drank it. "Yummy! I am Ganon, Ruler of Evil, Destroyer of Good, and Lover of Facon, soy protein bacon for those not in the known, and yummifyer of delicious drinks labeled by a shooty-guy!" His speech woke Chuck-to-the-Norris.

"Wh... What are you doing Ganon?" CN asked.

"Uhhhhh..." he hid his bottle of OJ.

"I saw a picture of OJ Simpson."

"Oh, yeah. He's my hero."

"What the doorknob? How?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"Never mind that."

"Ook dook."

Chuck looked at the the incapacitated Link and asked, "Who's that?"

"Oh, that? That's just Peyton Manning."

"Oh. Makes sense."

"..."

"..."

"Wanna play Guitar Hero II?"

"Sure." They ran over to Ganon's TV and played GH2.

"Trogdor was a man," Ganon sang to the tune on the game, "I mean, he was a dragon man Er, maybe he was just a dragon But he was still TROGDOOOORR! TROGDOOOOOOOORRR!"

OAK woke up and saw Ganon and CN playing Guitar Hero. "Can I play?"

Ganon said, "No."

"Why?"

"Two reasons: 1. Curse Sony, but there are only two controller ports, and 2. 'Cause no one likes you."

"... Your face..."

Ganon turned to OAK. "No you didn't!" Ganon threw his guitar at OAK and walked off still singing the song on the video game. "My money's on TROGDOOOOOR! TROGDOOOOOORRRR!"

"You know you left the game on, right?" OAK said.

"I like the song."

"You have to play the song to hear it."

"... Your Mother..."

"Take that back!"

"Ganon does not approve!" Ganon punched OAK in the face and OAK flew back.

Chuck said, "You know you're not giving this story any more plot by doing that."

"We should probably give this story some plot."

"But how?..."

"Well the story is called 'Awesome Guy's Day Off' so it's just about my day off."

"It's 'Ganon's Day Off'"

"What's the difference!"

Crickets start to chirp.

"Since when are there crickets in Hyrule?" Chuck asked.

"How do you know about the characteristics of Hyrule?"

"... I played a bunch of Zelda games."

"You traitor!!!11!!1!1" Ganon tried to punch Chuck in the face but Chuck picked up OAK and blocked Ganon's fist with OAK's face. "Haha! 50,000 points! I win!"

"No, you didn't, I have 7,895,628,609,745,689,620,634,570,896,729,476,598,460 points!"

"Ugh! You cheated! I'm telling!"

"Who are you going to tell who won't kill and/or run away from you?"

"Um..."

"Chew on that one for a while. I see if OAK's alright." He turned to OAK, "You alright?"

Sarcastically OAK said, "Oh, yeah, I'm alright, even though I've been smash with a sleigh and punched in the face 3 times by some ego-maniacal maniac."

"Ok then."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you have a swollen ego."

"I know that I meant what does 'sarcastically' mean?"

"What? I didn't say sarcastically."

"No but it says it before you started talking."

"What'chu talkin' 'bout, Ganon."

"nvm."

"kk."

"lol."

"rofl."

"That was fun! Ganon approves! I am Ganon, Ruler of Evil, Destroyer of Good, and Lover of Facon, soy protein bacon for those not in the known, and Lover of IM Speak!"

Chuck asked, "How many times are you going to say that?"

"As much as I feel like. Who do you think you are? My controller?"

"No, but I do know your controller. He's typing as we speak."

"Who?"

"Oh, just some dude who thinks what we're doing is funny."

"Hahaha! What kind of idiot would think that!"

"I wouldn't say that if I were you?"

"Why not?"

"You don't wanna tick him off. He's like God... with a messy bedroom."

"What's he gonna do? Shoot me with a laser beam?"

Suddenly, Chuck Norris shot a big gigantic laser at Ganon.

Ganon shouted, "Ahhhh! What was that for? I am an idiot for insulting you! Wait, I didn't just say that! He's making me say stuff I don't want to!"

"That'll teach you to mess with me!" a mysterious voice from nowhere said.


End file.
